Cosmic Joked
by I Give Headaches To Aspirin
Summary: Fifty drabbles on Cosmic Joke by yourdeadwafflecone. Contains some sensitive material.


A list of 50 drabbles for yourdeadwafflecone, who wrote Cosmic Joke, which this is based on. XD I might continue the drabbles Scarred, Exhaustion and stuff as an actual fic. It's a forming idea. Anyway. Enjoy.

EDITED: 23/6/11 - Unfinished drabbles finished. Haze and Heartbeat updated.

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><p>Threat – "If you hurt her, emotionally or physically, I'll make sure you were never turned human, are we clear?" Lennox glared fiercely at Megatron. The other man looked at him calmly and nodded. "I wouldn't even dream of hurting her. Maggie is everything that makes me want to stay human"<p>

Innocence – Maggie smiled fondly at Megatron as he leaned against the window sill, staring out at the human world around him. At times, he was so innocent because he knew next to nothing of the humans, or their planet.

Haze – Maggie looked over at Megatron lying on the bed next to her. They had just 'done the deed' for the first time, and since it was, he was still getting over the effects, drifting in a half-asleep haze. He had been hesitant to do it, but Maggie coaxed him into it. She knew he was nervous about things like that when being human. Btu she would help him along the way.

Listen – "I'm not going back there! I can't!" "Look, just listen to me! I won't let that happen to you Matt! Sector 7 isn't going to get their hands on you! I'll keep them away from you if it's the last thing I do!"

Wrap – Maggie loved the feeling of Matt's arms wrapped around her. There was nothing in the world she could compare it to. All she could say, is that it was the most wonderful thing she had ever felt.

Friend – When Lennox and Epps had first met Megatron as a human, they had never thought that they would end up being friends with him. But as they sat at the table, laughing at the hybrid taking the piss out of everything on cable TV, they couldn't help but think it had been a good decision to let go of their grudges, and set off new.

Jealous – Sam seethed in silent rage as he watched Mikaela and Megatron laugh together. He didn't know what he was more jealous of. The fact that Megatron got along with Mikaela better than he should after nearly destroying the planet and the human race, or the Mikaela was doing a better job of keeping an eye on Megatron than Sam ever would.

Work – "Where's Megatron?" Bumblebee asked bitterly. "Run off to cause chaos again?" "Nope, he's at work?" Maggie replied with an icy glare. "Work?" "Yes." "Megatron?" "Yes..." "Megatron working?" "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE BEE YES!" "...what does he do?" "...let's just say, Simmons doesn't have a chance at using authority over him anymore." "Why?" "Because Matt now has authority over him." "...Wow...Awesome..." "Yup..."

Kiss – "Just hold still Matt." "Why?" His eyes widened as Maggie's lips pressed against his in a gentle, but firm kiss. "That's why. You looked so hot just then, I couldn't resist."

Heartbeat – Maggie looked down at Megatron, who was resting his head on her shoulder. Her arm wrapped around him, positioned her hand to touch his chest. It was comforting to feel his heart beat under her hand. It let her know that he was here, safe, and most importantly, alive.

Confusion – Maggie giggled at the confused expression on Megatron's face. It was quickly becoming her favourite expression on him. It made him look so cute.

Heartache – Maggie wiped her eyes furiously. Simmons had absolutely no heart. Once the Sector 7 agent had found out she and Matt were in a relationship, he said that once he became a Cybertronian again, he wouldn't love her anymore, she would be nothing to him. She didn't want to believe that. She wouldn't believe that. Matt loved her and he would never think that of her. But then...why did her heartache?

Protection – Ironhide stared down at the Sector 7 agents with a fiery glare. They had yet again disobeyed the order to leave Megatron alone. It seemed to be their goal to disobey orders and capture him for experimentation, even if he was human, yet again. But he had promised Maggie, so as long as Megatron was alive and on Earth, he would protect him, and fulfil that promise.

Study – Megatron groaned and threw the book down, burying his face in his hands. He had been studying Earth for months now, and he was still struggling to grasp even some of the simplest things. He felt a small hand on his shoulder and looked up slightly. Maggie sat down next to him and picked the book back up. "Want some help?"

Agony – She shuddered as tears trailed down her face, her hand over her mouth. Maggie hated this. She hated watching Megatron turn back into a Cybertronian piece by piece until he was struggling not to scream in pain from the metal stabbing through various parts of his body. She just wished she could make it better for him. She wished she could stop the pain he felt.

Fireworks – "What are Fireworks?" "There these...things made out of explosive material and stuff...so when they explode...they're colourful...and sometimes noisy..." BANG "AHH!" Maggie screamed, not expecting it. "Firework?" "...Yes Matt...that was a firework..." "I don't know what was noisier...the explosion...or your scream..." "..." SLAP "...Ow..."

Trouble – "MATT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" "...I said I was sorry..." "SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH MISTER! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" "Jeez, you sound like my mom." "God knows you need SOMEONE to keep you in line."

Tender – She had to be extremely careful around Megatron lately. The transformation from human to Cybertronian was going slowly, but that didn't mean the pain was any less. She discovered she had to be more careful when she playfully poked him in the chest one night, and then had to half catch him as he collapsed forward, a shuddering mass of pain. When she lifted his shirt up to see the problem, she saw bruises forming all over his chest, in some places; she could even see metal underneath the skin. Now whenever she touched him, she was gentle, making sure not to hurt him. That small action made her feel a little better about almost breaking one of his ribs.

Coma – Optimus sat outside of the room Megatron was in. It had been incredibly strange and terrifying what had happened, even if it had happened so quickly, they barely knew what had happened. They had finally gotten away from Sector 7 after they had chased them through the Vern base, and they had escaped, getting a good distance away, Megatron had suddenly collapsed. He had been unconscious for more than three days, and despite the fact that Megatron had tried to kill him multiple times, he was still his brother, and the worry he felt for him was the strongest thing he had felt in a long while.

Missing – "Captain Lennox!" The soldier turned to look at the Australian woman running towards him. "Hey Maggie, what's wrong?" He asked when he saw the frantic look in her eyes. "I can't find Matt." "Matt?" "Megatron! He's gone!" Will frowned, now understanding why Simmons had looked so excited earlier. "I think Sector Seven has him." Maggie gasped in horror and grabbed him, her nails digging into his skin. "We have to find him, we don't know what they'll do to him." "Don't worry, I'll get the Autobots and we'll get right on it. We'll find him."

Murmur – "MEGATRON!" Maggie yelled as the Decepticon human went to run after Sam, run into the battlefield. He stopped and turned to look at her, bracing himself as she jumped at him. "Be careful." She whispered. "I love you." He murmured into her hair, uncaring of the Autobots and allies watching. "I love you too." She kissed him lightly and he ran after Sam. She wiped her eyes fiercely and she strengthened herself for the long battle ahead. He had better coming back alive.

Shackles – "You won't be escaping from here for a while NBE-1." Simmons smirked. The human/Cybertronian hybrid was chained and shackled in a cell, the strong metal making sure he couldn't escape. "I'm going to enjoy this," The face and rusty red eyes stayed emotionless, but Megatron couldn't deny the fear starting to rise in him.

Scarred – Lennox ran down the cell corridor as fast as his legs could carry him, searching for Megatron. The hybrid had been here for more than a month, the Autobots, the humans and their very few Decepticon allies struggling to find the base Sector Seven had captured him in. He did a double take at one cell and his eyes widened and then filled with anger at the sight. The cell had blood streaked over the walls and floor, Megatron lying in the middle of it all, even in unconsciousness, his arms still raised slightly in the air by the shackles. Will growled and shot the lock to the cell, opening it quickly and running over to the still form on the floor. He could see in some places that weren't soaked in blood, there were long, prominent scars running across the pale skin, looking even paler against the red liquid. Lennox shook with rage, he may not like the Decepticon much, but this was just completely inhumane. They had tortured him to the point of death, and anyone who looked at Megatron could tell that his life was hanging by a thread. The soldier was going to get him out of here if he died trying.

Exhaustion – Megatron had woken up briefly when Will was carrying him carefully out of the door, about to make his way out of the damned building towards the Autobots and allies waiting. "Megatron, it's me remember? Will Lennox, the annoying human right? I'm gunna get you out of here." The rust coloured eyes blinked tiredly and there was a fraction of a nod. Will frowned at the lightness of the body he was carrying; it was obvious he had been starved. He exited the building and he saw the heads of the Autobots and the others shoot up at the sight of him. Sector Seven had been arrested, so they had just been waiting. Optimus' blue optics widened at the sight of his brother, followed by the distressed cries of both Maggie and Mikaela. Frenzy jumped up and down frantically, worried about the state of his leader and not knowing what else to do. "Let's just get him out of here guys." Lennox said firmly, looking up at Optimus. The Autobot leader caught the look and transformed, opening the door. Lennox placed Megatron in the back seat carefully, climbing up and sitting next to him. Sam jumped in the front, obviously feeling that he had to be near the Decepticon, feeling guilty about not protecting him like the Allspark told him to. Lennox looked down as something softly fell against his shoulder. Megatron's head was resting against his shoulder as Exhaustion finally took over, finally able to sleep as he was safe. Will shifted to make them both more comfortable and Optimus started driving. Driving away from the base his brother had been tortured in.

Trauma – It was a little unnerving sometimes, after getting Megatron back from the base, he just wasn't the same. If anyone moved too fast near him, he gave a small, almost unnoticeable flinch, but Will always noticed. The Decepticon would space out at random times, his gaze sometimes looking straight through someone, his mind back at the S7 base and what Simmons and the others had done to him. Lennox spent a lot of time with Megatron now, having dealt with PTSD before, and knowing what the hybrid was going through. He hadn't experienced it, but he had clearly seen his friends go mad from it. When Megatron would suddenly be in the throes of a nightmare, screaming at the mental remnants of pain, Will would always wake the other human up, and let him lean against him like a lifeline.

Nightmare – The dark walls of the cell was all he could see, along with the blood that marred some of it. Blood. His blood? He couldn't remember, how long had he been in this cell? It must have been a long time; he was even missing the trigger-happy Autobot, what was his name? It was so hard to string coherent thought together now. He could never think clearly. He felt a shock of pain across his arm and more blood sprayed across the wall and floor. He gasped in pain and then bit his lip, biting through the skin from the force. His eyes flicked up and he saw the smirking face of Simmons, the blade coming down again, this time towards his fa- Megatron screamed in pure terror as he shot up in the bed. He panted heavily, hand pressing against his throat from the pain of screaming, his voice still hoarse and painful. He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, relaxing a little when he saw it was just Lennox, the dark haired human looked down at him in concern. He shivered, the cold sweat running down his skin. Lennox sat on the bed next to him and pulled him to him. Megatron leaned against the human's shoulder, trying to calm his heart rate back down, and trying to forget the nightmare his mind plagued him with.

Careful – Maggie didn't know what to do with Megatron anymore. She loved him desperately, and it pained her to see him like this, the time he had suffered as a human in S7's care dwelled in his mind constantly, making him cautious and jumpy. Anyone who knew him before wouldn't believe their eyes, barely believing that the strong figure had become this shell of who he was. The Decepticon seemed to have connected with Will the most, the first being to show him kindness since he woke up in that base. Now, you barely ever saw Will without Megatron, and vice verse. She knew it would take time for him to recover, but she was just getting so tired of having to be so careful. She just wanted to show him how she cared.

Wasted – Epps grinned as Megatron fell onto his shoulder. The human Decepticon was completely and utterly wasted. "C'mon you, let's get ya home." Epps slung an arm over his shoulders and ignored the groan of protest, shaking him head and dragging him outside to his Jeep.

Run – Megatron leaned against a wall, and slid down it, pulling his legs up to his chest and panting in exertion. His heart was racing after running on pure fear of getting captured by Sector Seven again, and it had worn him out completely. He didn't think he would be able to run much longer. Even his old Cybertronian body had had limits. He looked up as a car screeched to a stop near to him, his heart almost leaping out of his chest. He calmed a fraction when he saw that it was Ironhide. "Are you just going to sit there or are you going to get in?" Megatron leapt up at the Autobot's voice and jumped in, the door closing behind him and the black Topkick sped away from the danger he had been running from. He was safe for now.

Lies – "Leave, pathetic insect." Megatron growled at Maggie, the blue/green eyes teared and the human turned and ran. The recently turned back Cybertronian's shoulders slumped as guilt filled his spark. He hated to do that, to lie about not loving her, but it was the only way he could protect her.

Panic – Ironhide scanned the human in his interior, just having saved him from Sector Seven. Megatron was leaning against his window, still breathing hard. His scans showed the dramatically increased heart rate. For Megatron, this was bad. The energon in his body would be circulating at a much faster process, making the transformation back accelerate. Ironhide activated his holoform and rested a hand on the human's shoulder, looking at him intensely with a serious look on his face. "Calm down Megatron. Sector Seven are behind us." The rusty coloured eyes fluttered open again the human gave him a shaky smile. "That may be, but I can't help but still panic. They just don't give up." The Cybertronian patted his shoulder with a rare sympathetic look. What Megatron had said was unfortunately true, very true.

Passion – Sam hated Megatron with a passion. The mech turned human had tried to kill him in Mission City, and it wasn't something he could forget easily. He often had nightmares of the hulking body of metal and hellish red eyes looming over him before the final strike came and he woke up. But the Allspark had given him a duty, so...he had to get over his hate. He had to fulfil his duty. He looked over at 'Matt' and watched him joke around with Will and Epps with a thoughtful frown. The two soldiers didn't seem to think that he was all that bad; they liked him well enough, enough to be friends with him. So, maybe he could think of him as the human, rather than the nightmare in his mind.

Accent – "You so have a European accent." "What the frag does a European accent sound like human?" "Stop with the whole 'human' thing, you're one of us now, and also, a European accent sounds like your voice." "...I can't believe I'm saying this. But I give."

Health – Megatron yawned as he sat on the tall surface Ratchet used so he could reach him. The morning appointments to check that his health hadn't changed had become more and more frequent to check that his health hadn't altered. Ratchet smirked down at the human as he got ready to start the scans.

Tired – The scans ran over his body and Megatron struggled to stay still as his body almost swayed from exhaustion. He hadn't been able to sleep properly in days, his mind always filled with things like Sector 7 and Starscream trying another assassination attempt. The scan finished and Ratchet looked at the scanner, checking the results. Everything looked fine. He glanced up and then gasped, quickly moving a hand to catch Megatron as he fell forward, no longer able to stay awake. The medic shook his head and picked the hybrid up, laying him down on the large metal surface and grabbing a pillow and blanket gently between his large metal fingers, putting the pillow under Megatron's head and laying the blanket over him. He looked down at the sleeping face and chuckled quietly, returning to analysing his scans. The few that he had managed would do, he would let the human sleep for now.

Cry – Optimus sped down the road towards the lookout, thinking all the while about the meeting with his brother. He had seemed so small and fragile in that hospital, looking more vulnerable than he had ever seen him. The last time he had seen him worse was when he had been injured on Cybertronian just before he went haywire. And he had taken advantage of that vulnerability, making cutting comments instead of trying to repair their relationship. Then he had seen the tears roll down his brother's face. The former mech had obviously tried to hold them back, but then failed when he couldn't control the emotions of his human body. Optimus let out a whoosh of air similar to a sigh, feeling completely and utterly guilty for what he had done.

Plead – "Please, you can't let them take him! We have to get him back!" Maggie pleaded with Secretary Keller. The man looked at her in pity and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Despite what he's done, I'll do everything in my power to make sure we get him back, safe, and in one piece. I promise you Ms Madsen."

Cry II – Sam's eyes widened as the metal started forcing its way through Megatron's skin and flesh, making blood trickle out like a river. He looked at the man's face. He looked like he was in shock, the pain not exactly registering yet. He looked down at the metal jutting through his ribs, and then the pain set in like a million knives. He let out a low groan and slumped down the wall, tears of pain coming to his eyes. Sam watched the tears escape his clenched shut eyes, the beads of salt water running down his cheeks and down his throat as the blood ran too to the floor.

Awkward – At times, their relationship was awkward. Megatron knew practically nothing of human intimacy, apart from what he had already seen and experienced. And Maggie always felt embarrassed when he looked at her with that confused, uncertain look when she tried something new. It was an awkward relationship, but she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Fever – Megatron leant against Maggie, her skin feeling cool to his fevered skin. Maggie rubbed a gentle hand across his arm opposite to her, her eyebrows pulled together in concern. She was worried about him. His body had never been through illness before, and if not watched, the effects could be far from pleasing. As he fell asleep against her shoulder, she made a promise to herself that she would take care of him, when he could no longer take care of her.

Burn – Mikaela yawned, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she sat up on the sofa. The digital clock on the table said that it was 12:00. She groaned and looked over at Megatron. The Decepticon-turned-human was sleeping peacefully in the chair, the blanket having fallen down his chest just to his waist, covering his legs. She could see the raw burn that the Allspark had made when it had been forced into his chest and she winced in sympathy. He had tried to kill them, the Autobots and the rest of the human race. So why did she pity him?

Coffee – "Oh...frag..." Megatron cursed, his eyes wide as Frenzy, now a human, took a sip of coffee. It was the end of the world as they knew it.

Thunderstorm – Maggie rolled over and reached out a hand blindly with a sigh, searching for Matt in the bed. Her hand met just material and she opened her eyes, seeing Matt sat on the edge of the bed, staring out of the windows with narrowed eyes. "Matt? Matt Hun what's wrong?" "What the frag is that noise?" Maggie listened and then saw a flash outside the window, closely followed by a boom. "It's just a storm okay, don't worry, come back to bed." She patted the bed next to her with a smile, and with a sigh, Megatron lay back down next to her, laying an arm over her waist and falling asleep.

Warmth – Maggie rolled over in bad, snuggling up to Matt. Her eyes shot open with a gasp when she felt his skin. It was like ice. She frowned and noticed that the blanket had fallen off of his form during the night. She grabbed it and pulled it back up over him, replacing the warmth he had lost.

Ache – Megatron hissed as his burnt shoulder brushed against the back of the sofa painfully, making a sharp ache throb through it.

Soothing – Maggie gently rubbed the burn salve onto his shoulder and smiled when it seemed to be doing well.

Skin – The skin his metal form had been replaced with was much more sensitive than the metal was. He could feel every little touch, but it itched at times when something extremely light brushed over it. He hated the fact that he was now one of the fleshlings, but he had to accept it eventually, as much as he had to accept that he could get hurt so much easier with skin.

Acceptance – Megatron touched a hand to the mirror, sighing heavily. He was human now, there was no denying it. And Optimus was right; he never thought he'd think that, unless he accepted it, he was going to lead a bad life.

Repair – Maggie looked up at the great, hulking, silver, sparking and bleeding mass of metal that was Megatron. The con-turned human-turned con was going to get himself officially killed the way he was always protecting her. She reached up to touch him and one of his claws gently stopped her. "D-zzt-on't." She frowned at the static laced in his voice and pushed his claw away before smiling. "You wish, I know how to repair you, and nothing's going to stop me."

Love – "I love, whom I love." She said firmly, and she knew the truth in those words as she said them. The man she loved may be some 'insane, evil, destructive overlord'. But he had changed since he had become human, and she couldn't help her feeling. She knew she would love him even after he turned back into a Cybertronian.


End file.
